ClassicRadar: SkeleTONS – nearly every bony bastard in the gaming universe

The following story originally posted on Oct. 31, 2008, back when our old layout confined it to a much smaller column width – and much smaller images. With Halloween 2011 fast approaching, we decided it was time to pull it out, dust it off and give it a second chance at life, this time making its bony plethora of skeletons easier to see.

Then we thought, “why stop with Street Fighter?” There’ve got to be a billion goddam skeletons creeping through virtual graveyards just begging to have their toothy visage slapped on the immortal internet. Who are we to deny them such a privilege? So, without further yammering, we present, just in time for Halloween (y Dia de los Muertos), the biggest batch of skelleys you’ve ever seen… starting with Street Fighter II.

Anyone remotely familiar with television sets and fun should recognize the glowing assortment of bones above. Blanka, one of our office favorites, could charge his body with enough juice to incapacitate opponents, revealing their myriad bone structures in the process. Then came…

It’s a deadite dance party! Who knew receiving lethal amounts of muscle-shredding lightning was so fun? Also: love how Akuma and Birdie keep their accessories on even while being fried.

SFIII doesn’t have the luxury of Blanka’s X-Ray beams, so you have to go with bendy/stretchy weirdo Necro. Can you tell who’s who just by their writhing skeleton?

Skullomania isn’t actually a walking dead man. Instead he’s a soulless corporate shill who has nothing left to live for and decides to dress up like a skeleton and fight crime.

Moving from Street Fighter to Mortal Kombat (once upon a time among the most bitter rivalries in all of gaming), we see a distinct shift in skeletal showmanship. No more cartoony depictions, these are the real deal, meant to shock the other player into such a frightened state that he ignores how utterly broken the first Mortal Kombat is. Seriously, it’s crap.

Now this is more like it – a fiery, screaming skeleton from MK II that provides macabre pleasure for the victor and a halfway decent gameplay experience for everyone involved. Can someone tell Scorpion that mouths don’t open like that?

Flaming death, this time looking straight on instead of a side view. Kombat was going places when part three released in 1995. The movie had just come out, the franchise was nearly as popular as Street Fighter (if not more), and then they squandered it all on goofy fatalities and dumbass friendships. Maybe MKvsDCU will bring much needed change to the series… plus maybe we get to see Scorpion burn Superman into an ashy pile of smoldering bones.

Next page – Castlevania, Final Fantasy and more classic franchises!

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